Damn Fond
by Kuro49
Summary: For the RaYu Fest. RK. I was just so damn fond of you, to the point where losing my mind was only the beginning.


As another contribution for the RaYu Day from me to any RK lovers out there: **Happy RaYu Day!!** V I am not really satisfied about this fic but it has been dusting in my RK folders for far too long D: But I realyl love some parts so I will use this occasion and share ;D And as a little note before reading the fic, everything is placed in reverse order, so from the most current thing back to the past. :) I don't own.

XXX

**Damn Fond**

XXX

His finger painfully grazed at the other's jaw, almost as if he was feeling for the bone just beneath the stretch of slightly tanned skin. His blunt fingernail was cutting, biting into the flesh, rewarding him with a fine hiss from the red head pressed up against the rigid wall.

"Junior."

The name was drawled out from the tip of his tongue.

"Don't call me that." It felt foreign coming out of his mouth.

The green gaze was trying to push him away with its sheer intensity.

"What else can I call you then? _Rabi_?" He tilted his head, a smile cracking along his lips and then it turned cold. He shook his head. "Don't make me laugh."

The red head registered the insane sort of glint flitting back into the other's eyes; Kanda wasn't nuts, just borderline to crazy. And with a murmur of a warning he wrenched the other back into reality.

"You're crazy."

Becoming undone. Unraveling, for whom?

At those words Kanda blinked almost as if he was confused but the two knew better, the hazy look lifted from the blues but there was still a layer of remnants lying just beneath the first frost.

"Talk for yourself, Junior."

And with those words he gave a rough shove at the red head's shoulder, ultimately pushing him away, knuckles just pushing at his throat. Rabi frowned at the name but didn't complain otherwise. But the next words that left those pair of familiar lips stung, a lot more than he would have ever thought.

"…Or is it Bookman now?"

Kanda suppressed his lips but a small chuckle still bubbled over and that just made Rabi's frown deepen even further. "I am still Rabi, Yuu." He gripped the other's shoulders as if anything could change anymore, the words were insisting, convincing almost to the point where even the red head could have easily believed them too.

Or maybe he was still, just too naïve.

Kanda wavered in his arms, eyes following the red head's emerald orb as he tried to weigh over his decisions.

"I love you all." Rabi. Junior. Bookman. It was love and he was falling apart for each and every one of them.

Rabi closed his eye at the confession, feeling that there was nothing left to say because he had tried to say it so many times before this. He wrapped his arms around the other's frame, Kanda slumped in his hold, shoulders sagging as he left out a final statement of the day.

"But I still love _Yuu_ best."

And that's when all of their broken hearts ached for the things that never followed the intended track.

000

"You are adorable when you make that face." Rabi cooed, grin stretching widely, almost to the point where it was disturbingly striking, although his face did hurt a lot from Kanda's sharp punch.

They didn't know when to draw the line.

And that often resulted in more bruises than they could count.

"What are you talking about?" Kanda rubbed at his cheek where the red head had slapped him equally as hard. How it began neither of them could remember, perhaps the Bookman in the red head did but he didn't bother asking, fearing the darker side of him flare up again.

"I am talking about the face that _begs_ to be hurt." He let out a laugh, calm and laid back, it didn't exactly match what they had just done to each other. But nothing mattered, when it came to love. Kanda rolled his eyes as if this was all just a game not worth his time, "and you are just asking to have Mugen lick your throat."

"That sounds dirty, Yuu-chan."

Rabi got up with a thin teasing smile on his face, he crossed the room, casually taking a seat on the bed and swung his legs as if he was seven again. He grinned, smile tearing into an outrageous grin. Kanda followed his lead, only he sat perched up on the surface of the desk that he rarely used, long fingers pulling at the loose threads on the hemming of his shirt. He gave a dry retort, "only to you, creep."

"I'll take that as a compliment." He smiled, single eye now curved to the shape of a crescent moon.

Kanda looked up just in time to catch that.

000

They bumped into each other in the hall, one about to receive a mission while the other just back from one. The door was closed by the time they caught sight of the black and white in the other's clothes, the hallway was quiet and it didn't seem that interruption would come close at all. They rarely had time to see one another and so it was a bit of a surprise when their uniforms clashed painfully against the others.

"Yuu."

"You."

"We are so close, what's with the _you_?" Rabi circled around him, feet disturbingly quiet upon the shaggy carpet beneath their feet. The smile on his face was stretched to the point where it was simply unsettling, if it weren't for the flash of eerie green in that glass bottle eye, he could have still been charming.

"Close?" Kanda gave a snort at that word, "we can't even be considered friends, idiot."

But those soft half-hearted attempts at getting rid of him never worked.

"Now I am hurt, Yuu-chan." He leaned in closer, hands clasped over his chest as a sign of mocked pain. Strands of red flayed in front of his face and that's when Kanda finally noticed that the headband was missing. "I thought we were better than this."

"We were never better than _this_." He gave a small gesture, as if trying to get rid of the looming shadows around the two of them.

"Come on," Rabi tilted his head to the side, locks trailing after as he reached out to finger the brittle ends of Kanda's hair. "I thought at least… _you_ were better than this."

And his similar use of words was almost mocking to the point where it was just teases bordering to being plain out mean. But the meaning behind them weren't caught on, he never meant for it to be heard as a mock, rather it was a disappointed confession of how did you ever fall so hard for someone like _me_?

"Don't…"

He waited, he as in the red head, Rabi, Junior, Bookman, they all waited and Kanda took a small breath before voicing out his words, swallowing whatever that had formed a lump in his throat.

"Don't do this."

He blinked, green eye strangely bright in the flickering light.

And then the grin that blossomed on those cheeks was the most disturbing thing, almost coming to a match with the Millennium Earl of all.

"Do what?"

His voice was innocent and he blinked as if in confusion but the two of them knew better than this, it was all just a part of the games they played when sanity slipped, their masks were falling apart. "I don't understand what you are saying… Yuu."

Giving a twirl around him made the hairs on the back of his neck rise, just like it would when a blunt fingernail grazed across the skin to bring him closer for a kiss where neither of them would ever imagine to evolve into… _this_.

"My bed has been feeling cold these days. Would you want to have the honor to warm it back up?" the melody in those vocals was taunting as his hands soothed out the wrinkles in those similar looking uniforms. He even had the nerves to reach out and pat the dust from Kanda's clothes, almost as if it was the most normal thing to do. Almost as though they loved each other. Almost as though things were still fine.

"Along with that cold cold _heart_ of mine's?"

The dramatic sigh that fell from his lips was just pleading to be murdered.

Rabi let out a small amused laugh as he recoiled his hands back into his personal bubble.

Junior's lips broadened, he glided across those worn carpets.

And the Bookman within that red head opened the door and slipped right through.

Just like the rabbit that went down the rabbit hole.

000

_Junior_, Junior, what's the difference?

You still look like the same old red head to me.

He sat from across the room, eyes narrowed to the point where they were just cold slits of ice trying to bore a hole into the paper-thin sheets. He mindlessly flipped another book, not at all aware or caring for the content in the process. He stacked the book by his side, right on top of the growing mountains of unrelated volumes looming from all sides to form a sort of protective barrier around him, blocking him just from sight.

It was the first time he had over heard their conversation.

And he could still remember it just like the flash of the explosion that killed Bookman. How unfortunate. The care was dry in his voice and the sincerity has long since died in his throat.

"Once I die, you know who you'll be, right, Junior?"

"Of course, Panda."

He easily dodged the fading force behind the hit.

"Yes, Bookman, don't fret."

"I'll always remember my place."

The book stared blankly up at him.

It's just a goddamn title, who really cares.

But I still insist, are you really really him, _Bookman_?

They left the room and he still sat there, absorbing in their conversation as if it was something worth his time. The book closed, pages of mindless history falling back into place. He dropped the book on to the table and stood up, Mugen in hand; he didn't need to think twice about the place he needed to go.

The door was pushed open as he peered in to take a glimpse with his single green eye.

His innocence cut apart the air, the sandy ground of the training hall made his feet slide against each grainy bit, testing his balance and skills, and sometimes lack of there is.

"Yuu!"

He didn't stop.

"Let's have a little one on one practice."

There was no room to decline as the red head stepped right in his battle range.

"Whatever, Rabi."

The sharp edge of his blade slit against the wooden handle of the other's invocated hammer. Their clashes started off sparks and their eyes narrowed in concentration. It was never an intention to hurt the other, they never intended for it to happen like it did. But nothing ever goes according to plan and his hand slipped.

The hammer slammed against the side of his body.

And the sword left a rather large cut on his abdomen.

And as if right on cue, their weapons were knocked simultaneously from their hands and they sat on the ground, merely just a few feet away. Lungs panting for air and heart rushing to pump crimson as it spilled from their bodies. Rabi pressed his palm into the cut on his stomach, blood spreading like wild fire as it consumed the pale flesh. And Kanda gave a cough, spitting blood on to the ground next to him as to get rid of the foul metallic taste in his mouth.

"Hey Yuu," the smile was firmly placed on his face despite the knitting of his brows from the pain.

He raised his head as his way of asking what, black locks sticking to his cheeks with sweat from the physical exertion before.

"You look hot in red."

With that sort of compliment, he almost picked up Mugen again.

Rabi, _Rabi_, when did I come to love you so bad?

000

The window was pushed open and the midday sunshine took over the room.

He grimaced and rolled over on the bed, long strings of hair messily sprawled across the white sheets. He unintentionally let a groan escape his lips before burying his head further into the tangled white.

"It's past _noooon _already."

His hands brushed along the dark curtains as he attempted to tie them up.

"Close the fuckin' curtains…"

"Breath in the sunshine, Yuu!" Rabi exclaimed as he stood in front of the opened window and stared out, hands on his hips as he smiled proudly at his own handiwork.

"You can't breath in sunshine, idiot."

He had finally sat up, head hanging as he tried to untangle those knotted strands with his fingers. Eyes narrowed as he tried to adjust to the bright surroundings to the best of his abilities, he failed miserably.

"Way to wreak my mood, Yuu." The red head turned and gave a small pout, despite the harsh sunshine, he still caught it and that's what made Kanda grimace further. "And it's only morning."

His eyes snapped open at that. The sunshine burned into his pupils.

"What did you just say?"

He glared, in the sun, in the dust filled air. His eyes frosty and blue as his gaze hardened. Rabi blinked, at the other's sharp senses and most of all at his own slip of the tongue. Kanda stood up, pulling along the thin sheets with him as to cover his bare body.

"…Good mornin' Yuu?"

His attempt to cover up at the little prank he pulled was just enough to get him out of the death he conveniently set up for himself and the grave was already dug too, what a waste of energy. And with a light smile and just another trick up his sleeve (although he had no shirt on), he tried at another way to tame the lion sharpening his claws. He pulled the other into an embrace, arms loose as he wrapped them delicately around his waist.

"Don't be mad."

He leaned in, face a little too close, Kanda tried to back away but the grip the other had him under just simply tightened out of his reflexes. Their nose touched and Rabi blinked, emerald eye abnormally wide.

"It's no way to start off such a good morning."

Their lips touched and that's when they remembered why they took a chance in trying out this little game of love, after all the sex was just so good. And it was so damn sweet the way he looked at him, they way heat pooled on skin, the way everything was so much better when they knew life is not just for the sad and lonely.

But when the fire is lit.

Sugar gets burnt.

And there left behind was nothing more but shards of ashen sweets.

000

He rolled his eyes. The three damned words fell to the ground, like the dummy he had destroyed in a matter of seconds. Mugen weighted little in his hand but those nameless feelings felt so much more. He hated it, and it could almost compare to his hate for the Moyashi. And that's saying _a lot_.

I Love You. You. You._ You_.

He made a face. The words were tossed around, like a mistake filled log where he just couldn't wait to have it out of his face. The pen ran dry and the tip scratched the paper, leaving behind a horrid line. He hated it, and it could almost compare to his hate for human kind.

The words came out crisp and clear although neither of them wanted to hear it, it sounded all the more ridiculous as it fell down, right between them, right at their feet, just right _there_.

"I."

"Love."

"You."

Is that all?

"?"

The sky was running miles of blue at the sound of those words, hurrying as if it was afraid it would miss the next incoming train. And they lay there awkwardly between the tangled roots of the trees, arms and legs side by side, hair messily sprawled as the wind brushed across their cheeks, almost with a slap to the flesh.

"I…"

"Don't say it."

Rabi turned his head to face the other as his confession of renewed love was quickly cut short. He raised an eyebrow, as if to ask why. Kanda caught his gaze from the corner of his eyes.

"It got boring after the first time." And the little smirk on those lips didn't go ignore. Rabi leaned over and gave the other a peck, affectionate and sweet, like honey on top of candy. "You take all the fun out of love."

"Che."

Rabi gave a small snicker at that.

And the two just left it as it is.

The blue was a sickening shade that day; they both averted the glow of the color and looked at each other, feeling the love faintly flow through them as their eyes locked on to the same gaze.

Ignorance was bliss till realization comes.

000

It was the profanity that caught his attention first. _Fuck!_ And then the pair of chopsticks Kanda was holding was placed on the table, simply out of the blue, just like that. He looked up from across the other and raised an eyebrow of curiosity, not at all expecting the next words to spew.

"I think I love you, asshole."

That was the exact way he had said it, from the profanities to the supposedly sweetest words ever spoken in human kind.

And they were sitting in the cafeteria.

Where outside, a storm raged dangerously on the brink of slashing through the large glassy windows of the hall. And that was when he was hit with a sudden case of infatuation, and then he replied, placing the utensil that he was using down on the table. The metal knocked against the surface and he looked up.

"I think I love you too."

And the smile was plastered across his face.

From the day this happened, neither of them expected things to turn out alright. They just never expected everything to spin out of control this fast, and with their sanity slipping through their fingers; a solution was hardly the first thing in mind.

And in the name of love, they fell so hard.

It broke their hearts. Right in half.

XXX Kuro

They got it so bad here, or maybe the two just misinterpret what love actually was. D: Anyway, Happy RaYu Day and hope everyone out there enjoy the rest of the fest.!!~ V


End file.
